Surrey are a sorry state right now. Floundering around the bottom of the second division, and in need of KP and Graeme Smith to pull them out of the myre. For that matter anyone. Saffers – anyone. Linley looked alright. I mean his action was pretty smooth to my eye. According to my SE11 cricket mafioso contact he’s just a ‘journeyman’. Hey – what’s wrong with Journeymen. “Thaaat’s when she said she was pretendin'” I mean it’s one of Eric’s dopest albums for f’s sake. Digression.

Boy was it cold at the Oval. This country is in need of some dramatic Geo-Engineering. Or maybe I am. Engineer me somewhere hot with cricket. Simples as those measly Meerkats say.

Tavare, Great Chris’ Nephew put Gloucestershire on the map with a handy 59, but all out for 168. I ask you?

The sadness is, Surrey finished Day 1 some 50 runs short of that with only 4 wickets in hand. Truth be told, it was a bowlers day. Which is always pleasing to see, but I left the Oval with a slightly hollow feeling.

Despite my Mafioso’s best intentions, of sneaking me into the Pavillion and presenting me with a free Tea time cup of tea (The Carrot Cake was extra but worth it), I just felt sad that no one supports County Cricket anymore.

There were barely 100 people in the stands. Empty is not the word. It was emptier than a pint at 5.03pm on a Friday on Upper Thames Street.

What to do?

Lambeth needs to get cricket into the umpteen Council Estates around the Oval. Sure the kids could go into the ground for a quid. But you need mentors and adults leading the charge. Let’s be frank, if Surrey signed up Chris Gayle, the problem would be solved. Do it Surrey.